AE Voices: What's Next - Courtney Wright, Vermont '19 5/30/2019 7:31:12 AM AE Voices is space for America East Conference student-athletes, coaches and administrators to share their personal stories in their own words. This fifth feature is sponsored by America East’s #BetterTo9ether initiative, which aims to help create more mentally healthy environments for AE student-athletes, as well as the America East Alumni Network, which provides networking and social opportunities to student-athletes following graduation. What’s Next By: Courtney Wright, Vermont '19 The month of May is Mental Health Awareness. I’ve always tried to advocate for mental health awareness but have failed to put my own mental health struggles into words. I couldn’t quite come to terms with it all, until now, so here we go... What’s next? ...That’s the single-most daunting question every graduate is bombarded with this time of the year. Just about everyone you encounter is eager to know your future plans. The past month has been filled with what’s next, what’s next, what’s next. For me personally this question has brought up a lot of varying emotions and feelings. It has been overwhelming. Entering high school when I thought about what’s next I honestly didn’t think I would make it to my high school graduation, let alone college graduation. Instead I found myself just trying to make it through the next day, the next week, the next month. I kept these feelings of despair to myself; I didn’t talk about “it” because talking about “it” made real. I put on a facade for years, I felt like a walking contradiction – strong yet weak, motivated yet depressed, eager yet tired. Regardless of friends and family that I loved and cared for and success I was having on the court, the track and in the classroom, I did not want to live my life. I found myself in a constant battle with my own mind. Lost. Confused. Hurt. Fighting for what’s next. Courtney Wright was a four-year women's basketball student-athlete at Vermont and recently graduated with her degree in human development and family studies. I committed to the University of Vermont to play basketball as a junior in high school and for the first time I had a glimpse of hope, a glimpse of what could be next. Shortly after committing to UVM, I tore my ACL in my left knee during a basketball game. I could no longer play the sport that got me out of bed each day. I remember so vividly a few days after surgery my mom was dropping off my sisters at basketball practice, my dad at work, and my older sister at school. Suddenly, I was alone. I was scared and I just cried and cried and cried. I could take the physical pain, my body could handle what my mind couldn’t. I was mentally exhausted holding on by a thread, but I made a mental commitment, I had to make it to UVM. On the darkest days I held on to that glimpse of hope, I would make it to UVM. On June 25, 2015 I finished my last day of high school and on June 27, 2015 I left Ontario and headed to the Green Mountain State. I made it to UVM. This isn’t a fairytale and my four years were far from perfect. I battled with my mind and my body constantly. I’ve learned that I’ll have to deal with mental health issues for the rest of my life but that I am in control of my life and my life is worth living. It’s hard to put into words how grateful I am for the University of Vermont and the people I’ve spent these last four years with. As cliché as it sounds, I truly wouldn’t be where I am without this university. I look back and think about that scared girl sobbing in her bed, and how where I am now seemed so out of her reach. I thank her for fighting and not giving up because now she finished four years of college athletics and will leave Vermont with a degree, life-long friends, a life she loves and the world at her feet. Five years ago I didn’t think there would be a next, I didn’t want there to be a next. Today, I don’t know exactly what’s next but I do know that there will be a next and I look forward to whatever that next may be. Courtney Wright is a former women’s basketball student-athlete and track & field athlete at the University of Vermont. She graduated earlier this month with her degree in human development and family studies. If you, or someone you know, is battling anxiety or depression and in need of someone to talk to, The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones by calling 1-800-273-8255. Are you a current or former America East student-athlete, coach or administrator interested in sharing your own story as part of the AE Voices series? Contact America East Associate Commissioner Sean Tainsh (tainsh@americaeast.com). Past AE Voices Stories The Wakeup Call(s) - Ashley Branagan, Vermont ‘19 Never Give Up - Zach Kaplan, Binghamton '19 Finding My New Purpose - Jalay Knowles, Hartford '19 My Struggle With Anxiety - Mikayla Krinetz, UMBC '19